Anna Kate Donovan

Last night, I did something out of the ordinary.  I colored.  With crayons.  I colored an entire jumbo coloring page featuring Tiana from The Princess and the Frog.  I spent over an hour on my “project”.  I had bought a pack of giant coloring pages for Hattie and Laura while I was out yesterday, much to their delight.  They spent most of the afternoon sprawled on the floor coloring like it was their job.  They could not be bothered.  Laura got frustrated because she had to take a potty break.  She said “but Momma, I have to finish Prince Naveen!”  It was very important.  So, I decided to see what all the fuss was about.  It was wonderful.  I was completely absorbed in my picture.  I can see now why the girls couldn’t “hear” us calling them for dinner!  Once my picture was done and displayed with the ones the girls had finished, I began to think about all the events of the past week.

Abigail is at camp.  She is having a ball but she is away from us for 10 whole days!  After dropping her off, my parents, Hattie, Laura and I went to visit relatives in North Carolina.  My father has 8 brothers and sisters.  My mother has 2 brothers.  We have LOTS of relatives.  It was a short trip and we weren’t able to see everyone but it was a great few days nonetheless.

The biggest observation of the week was that Hattie and Laura play together beautifully.  On a couple of occasions, we spent the morning at the hotel until lunch.  We were in a regular hotel.  There was no suite, no game room and the weather was not conducive to swimming.  I was worried that the girls would get bored.  My Aunt Margaret had given the girls some new little stuffed animals so one morning I suggested that they play zoo until it was time to go.  I thought this would last 15 or 20 minutes.  Wrong!  Hattie and Laura set up the animals under the dresser and zipped off into their fantasy zoo.  Hattie got out her notepad and made pages of charts with all the information any zookeeper might need.  The animals were bathed, fed and put down for their naps.  She pretended to call and order animal food, vet services and zookeeper uniforms.  My parents and I were entranced.  It lasted over 2 hours.  I wish I had a tape recording of the conversation!  I was telling Robert about all of this over the phone that night.  He didn’t believe me until we got home and Hattie showed him her notebook.  They continued to come up with game after game in one situation after another.  They needed no toys, no entertainment.  Just the freedom to be themselves.  It was incredible!

Last night as the girls were stretched out on the floor coloring and playing with their Barbies, we listened a little more closely to what all they were saying.  It turns out that the imaginative play wasn’t new or unusual.  It happens at our house on a daily basis.  We had just never heard it before.  When the girls are in the playroom, we are seldom listening unless they need our help.  It is an oasis and a playground and they are free to spend their time in there playing with whatever they choose.  How wonderful it would be to be able to transport yourself into an imaginary world where all things are possible.  I remember those days from my own childhood and I’m delighted that my girls are able to do this.

Laura and Hattie are in the playroom right now with one of our neighbors.  I think I’ll go listen in!

“There was a little girl,

and she had a little curl

right in the middle of her forehead.

When she was good she was very, very good,

and when she was bad she was horrid.”

– excerpt from Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

At some point every summer, the girls get their hair cut.  By me.  I don’t know why but when it was time to cut Abigail’s hair for the first time, I wanted to do it myself.  I didn’t have a hard time cutting it so I just kept doing it year after year.  It is an enjoyable experience for both of us.  As the next 2 sisters arrived at the point of needing their hair cut, Momma’s barber shop was still open.  I have cut Robert’s hair for years and I’ve even cut my niece’s hair once or twice.

When I first cut Abigail’s hair she had golden blond ringlets.  Now it is dark brown, thick and wavy.  The waves and thickness come from both me and Robert so hers is really thick and really wavy.  Hattie’s hair is much like Abigail’s.  It is thick and dark brown but her hair is still in ringlets.  If we keep it chin length, the curls stay in tact and it is precious.

Laura, however, is the “black sheep” in the hair department.  Her hair is blond and straight as a stick.  It is darkening as she gets older, just not as quickly as her sisters did.  When it was time for Laura’s first haircut I discovered that it is much easier to cut wavy hair than straight.  Curly hair is forgiving.  Your lines don’t have to be flawless because the hair curls up and evens itself out.  Not so with straight hair.  Laura’s first haircut was not a complete disaster but it was far from perfect.  It didn’t help that she was fidgety.  And giggly.  And squirmy…

Most of the time, we stick to a simple bob.  It is so cute on all of them and easy to wash and wear.  Once I went much shorter on both Hattie and Abigail – I think Laura was still bald at that point!  The girls had asked for shorter hair cuts and I was happy to oblige.  They were darling and happy.

I have learned a lot through the years and I pay attention more when I get my hair cut (Robert refuses to try to cut mine) so that I can do a better job each time.  I know that some day my girls will no longer want me to cut their hair or they will ask for something that I cannot do.  They will want to go to a salon and have it done by a professional.  They will want the whole experience.  When that time comes I will probably be sad to close my “shop” but for now I’m just going to keep on snipping….

For the past couple of weeks, Hattie and Laura have been taking swim lessons at our local pool.  They both did great and we are so proud of their progress.

The pool we are members of has 2 indoor heated pools and a large outdoor water park geared towards little children.  There are a couple of large slides and a deeper section for accomplished swimmers.  We chose this facility because it fits our current pool needs.  We’re not ready for the olympic sized pool inundated with teenagers.  Not yet anyway…

The swim lessons were held in the indoor pools but most days we went out to the water park after class for some fun before heading home.  I have been taking my children to the pool every summer since Abigail was in utero.  We love it.  My girls have become part fish.  As we were celebrating the end of swim lessons with a picnic and an extended swim, I began to reflect on my observations over the past 2 weeks.  Big surprise, no?  😉

I was astounded by the number of parents that suit up their children, watch them wade into the water and then cease to be parents.  Just because the pool has lifeguards doesn’t mean that you are released from your parental responsibilities.  This is not the time to tan, text or talk on the phone and completely ignore your children.  Even if your children can swim, you are still accountable for them.  I could not believe the parents who were so involved in conversations with their friends that they did not see their children mowing down smaller children left and right.  The lifeguards are trying to make sure no one drowns.  They are not there to babysit for you or teach your children the word respect.  One woman asked me to watch her 2 year old while she took her older daughter to the bathroom.  Of course I said yes.  However, thirty minutes later, I realized that she was sitting in the shade talking on her phone.  The nerve!  I have no problem with children playing and having fun.  But you still have to be respectful of the others around you.  Especially in a public pool full of people.

There are also pool rules for a reason.  For instance, you are not supposed to bring toys.  It is not fair to expect the line of toddlers at the frog slide to wait for your Barbie to go down first.  It is not fair to leave your boat floating in the water while you go play elsewhere and then come yank it away from the innocent little boy who found it.  It sounds like I’m standing on my soapbox trying to stifle the fun out of everything.  I promise that is not my intention.  Let me ask you this – how can I expect my children to obey rules and respect authority if I don’t lead by example?  I can’t.  I think this applies not only to the pool but also to life in general.

I know that parents need a break.  Trust me, I KNOW.  But the pool is not the place for it.  Maybe the pool in your backyard is, but the public pool teeming with little children is not.

I feel sorry for the ignorant parents because the truth is that they are missing out.  I spent over an hour sitting in the shallow water watching Abigail race down the big slides grinning from ear to ear.  I watched Hattie practice all she had learned over the past couple of weeks in class – her confidence growing by the second.  And I was repeatedly visited by mermaid Laura as she tried to figure out how to swim like Ariel.  It was wonderful and I wouldn’t have missed it for anything!

I have grown herbs and tomatoes for many summers but I’ve never planted what I would call a serious garden.  This year I had enough room in the yard to plant a few things without taking over the whole yard.  So in April, Robert prepared the plot and the girls and I planted three varieties of heirloom tomatoes, cucumbers, bell peppers, lettuce and an assortment of herbs.  We were all very excited.

After a few weeks we started to see some progress.  Then the nights warmed up and things really took off.  I’ve got enough cucumbers to feed my whole neighborhood.  The lettuce is delicious.  The tomato plants are taller than my 8 year old.  The actual tomatoes are slow coming in but there is an abundance of flowers and little green tomatoes so I know that they’re coming soon.  I just have to be patient.  Not an easy task for me….I really like tomatoes…

Here’s my problem.  Deer.  Vegetarian, hungry, persistent deer.  When we lived in Franklin, TN I had to fight off the rabbits.  I’m not ashamed to tell you that I won.  They touched my impatiens once and never again.  Don’t worry, I didn’t hurt any rabbits.  I just used my Liquid Fence spray and the rabbits understood that they were not welcome amongst my flowers.

Liquid fence is an organic scented spray that stinks to high heaven.  After a day, humans can no longer pick up the scent but animals can.  In the past, this has been enough to protect my tender plants.  Unfortunately we have had so many hard downpours that I can’t make the scent strong enough to keep the deer at bay.  Case in point…last Thursday I went outside for my daily veggie check.  I had three yellow tomatoes.  They were fist sized and beautiful.  They were still a little too hard so I decided to leave them on the vine overnight and pick them the next day.  Wrong choice, Anna Kate.  The next morning I went out to pick the tomatoes and water the plants.  The deer had eaten not only the fruit but also the top half of the plant, about a third of the lettuce and the tops of several of my pepper plants.  I was pissed.  I had waited 2 and a half months for a homegrown tomato from my yard and the damn deer ate the first ones.  Stupid nature.  Stupid heart shaped deer tracks.  I just want to eat the tomatoes that I grew.  Is that so wrong?

I have no desire to harm the deer.  I am not a hunter.  I enjoy wildlife.  I understand that we humans have demolished much of the animals’ habitats so we have to live in the same areas.  Fine.  I like hearing the owls at night and watching the hawks soar.  I think it’s kind of cool that deer live in the woods near our house and that they feel comfortable enough to walk around our yards at night.  They really don’t hurt anything.  Except my plants.  Am I asking too much here?  ALL I WANT IS A TOMATO FROM MY OWN GARDEN! Sorry to yell….

I’ve heard several “tricks” for keeping the deer away.  Human hair.  Chicken wire.  An assortment of sprays and chemicals.  I don’t really want to spray anything on the plants.  We’re planning to eat the veggies, you know?  Since my liquid fence isn’t doing the job I’ve decided to try the invisible fence method.   You place some stakes around the perimeter and lace between the posts with cheap fishing line.  It creates a “fence” that the deer do not see.  When they bump into the fishing wire they are frightened away and unable to get to the plants but they are not harmed.  A friend of my neighbors swears by this method.  My garden plot is not very large so it shouldn’t be too difficult.  I’ll let you know how it goes.

In the meantime, we are eating cucumbers at every meal and making do with heirloom tomatoes from our local farmers market.  If all else fails, at least I’ll know that the tomatoes I grow are being enjoyed.  Not exactly what I had in mind….

Nothing is wrong.  I have not vanished.  I’ve been busy and uninspired.  I had no idea the impact that would have on my friends.  I’ve been told to get off my ass and update my blog.  I have some great friends.

The truth is that some or all of our little family has been traveling since the end of April.  I haven’t had time to do any writing.  Robert spent 24 days in China.  The girls and I spent 2 weeks in Birmingham.  Robert was on a fishing trip for a week.  We’ve just been to the beach.  It has all been wonderful and exhausting.  I am happy to be home.

That is all I have to say at the moment.  My eyelids weigh about a hundred pounds each.  My bed is calling my name.

I promise that once the piles of laundry and mail have been dealt with, I will share some stories and thoughts from the past couple of months.  There is lots to tell.  For now, though, I must bid you good night….

We are finally to the point where we don’t have to worry about what our children are doing every waking moment when we’re at home.  Or so I thought…..

We had just finished our lasagna dinner and were all relaxing in the living room for a little while before the girls’ bedtime.  I suddenly realized that I had sent Laura (the 3 and a half year old) to get a tissue 15 minutes ago and she had yet to return.  It was time for Abigail and Hattie to get their pajamas on so I asked them to peek in on Laura and let me know what she was doing.  Almost instantly I hear “MOMMY” echoing down the hallway followed by a cacophony of “lotion”, “wiping”, “floor”, “all over”….

Oh no.  I headed down the hall.  I’m not going to lie and say that I was running.  I was a little hesitant to see what was going on.  I knew she wasn’t hurt so it didn’t seem like I HAD to run, you know?

Before I even got there Laura was sobbing.  “Sorry Mama.  Sorry Mama. Sorry Mama.”  She knew she had done something she wasn’t supposed to do.  She KNEW.

At first sight, I had to bite my lip to keep from laughing.  Laura was shiny, pink and slick with lotion.  She was frantically wiping her legs off with the bathmat.  It wasn’t working.  She stood up and slid around the floor until she fell.  She wasn’t hurt but she was humiliated.  I finally got her wiped off (do you know how   l  o  n  g   that took?) and started to survey the damage.  Not only was there was lotion ALL over Laura but it was also ALL over the bathroom floor, the floor in the hallway and the floor in Abigail and Hattie’s room.  Luckily there was none on their new rug…that would have been different!  All in all, this was harmless.

I get the feeling she won’t do this again.  I didn’t even get the chance to fuss at her.  She punished herself.  I got her cleaned up and she put herself in time out and has been sticking her bottom lip out about 6 inches ever since.  She’s been wandering around pouting, sighing and being clingy.  Too funny.

I have been around the parenting pool long enough to know that too much silence is usually not a good thing.  I guess I got too confident and thought we were past the minutia management.  WRONG!

At least Laura is smooth as silk head to toe and the whole house smells good.  It could have been SO much worse…..

Last night, as Robert and I polished off the last of the homemade chocolate chip cookies, he complimented me on my baking prowess.  I am not a professional baker by any means but I have mastered a handful of recipes through the years.  I’m not always successful in the kitchen.  In fact, I had three recipes fail in one weekend not too long ago.  But I try to learn from my mistakes and move on.  My skills have improved drastically since we first married.  In thinking about this, I decided to share a few of my favorite failure stories. These are not necessarily in chronological order but they all occurred sometime during the first year of our marriage.

Cornbread.  My mother often makes cornbread.  She shared her recipe with me and it is very simple.  I had even practiced with her a few times.  I failed to notice that the cornmeal in her recipe is self-rising.  The cornmeal I bought was not.  The finished product was not fluffy and light.  It was about a quarter of an inch thick and had the consistency of a gum eraser.  My precious new husband about chewed himself to death but he ate it anyway.  I had a similar experience with my Dad’s biscuits…he forgot to tell me to add the shortening.  More erasers…it took years before I tried bread again.

Pork chops.  I had another simple recipe for pan sauteed pork chops.  You brown the pork chops on both sides and add a few ingredients to make a sauce.  I didn’t even notice that I grabbed the soy sauce out of the refrigerator door instead of the Worcestershire.  The pork was so salty it made our lips pucker.  Once again Robert cleaned his plate without a word of complaint.

Cake.  The third major mishap occurred on Robert’s first birthday as a married man.  I got out our fancy new china, silver and table linens.  I invited our entire families and set out to make a yellow cake with chocolate icing.  The first mistake I made was waiting until the day of the party to make anything.  Then, I’m not sure what happened but, the cake stuck to the pan.  And not just a little bit – it ALL stuck.  I was flabbergasted.  Determined not to fail, I dug the cake out of the pan and glued it together with icing and toothpicks.  It looked great.  I thought I had made it out of the jungle.  That is, I thought I had made it until my new mother-in-law came to the table to help me serve the cake.  What a disaster.  The heaps of yellow and brown did taste good though!

My sweet husband was determined not to make me feel bad.  He ate some crap that first year.  Twelve and a half years later, there is no more pretending.  There is no meanness but there is no consumption of the inedible either!  Thanks to some good cookbooks and good advice I have become a decent cook.  Between the two of us, we fare pretty well.  I’m also happy to report that we ate cornbread for dinner tonight – this time it was perfect!

I don’t know about your children but our girls are always asking to sleep somewhere other than in their own beds.  For instance, they want to sleep in the fort they just built or on pillows in the living room.  It doesn’t usually work out but they ask all the time anyway.  Their most frequent request is to sleep on the air mattress we set up for guests in the playroom.

We have set up the “guest bed” numerous times for visitors since we moved here.  Each time, the girls have asked to sleep on it but it never seems to be a good time.  It’s either a school night when they really need their sleep or one of the girls is sick and it wouldn’t be fair.

My dad was here last week for a couple of nights so the bed was still in the playroom.  It had been taken apart and deflated but I hadn’t gotten it back in the closet yet.  Last Saturday Robert and I devised a plan.  While the girls were in the bathtub, Robert inflated the bed and I put on the sheets.  You should have heard the squeals of delight when we told them to get their pillows and head for the playroom.  It was deafening.

They got in the bed and immediately started calling out the complaints.  “Laura won’t stop tickling me!”  “Hattie is putting her feet on everybody!”  “MOM – I’m trying to sleep and THEY are talking!”  This lasted about 20 minutes.  We didn’t pay much attention.  Within a half an hour, all three were off to dream land.  I checked in on them when we went to bed and they were downright angelic.

It took about 10 minutes of manual labor to get the bed set up and it was more than worth it.  You would have thought we had given these girls a shopping spree at Toys R Us.  They thought it was fabulous.  It wasn’t a fancy hotel or friends house…it was just something a little different.  It doesn’t take much to make these girls happy.  Last weekend they got to stay outside all day, eat dinner on the deck and sleep on the guest bed.  Score one for a perfect weekend!

With my older two girls in school daily and the three year old in preschool a few mornings a week, I am fortunate enough to be able to run errands by myself.  It is a luxury, I know.  But when the girls were out of school for spring break, I had them with me one morning while I did a few necessary things.

My last errand of the morning was to drop off some of Robert’s shirts at the dry cleaners.  As we were pulling out of the parking lot, Abigail said, “So, Mom, you take Daddy’s dirty shirts in there and they clean them for you, right?”  I said “Yes.”  She said “But can’t you do that yourself?”  Good question.  I went on to explain that the dry cleaners can get Daddy’s shirts done a lot faster than I can.  I also told her that Daddy likes his shirts a certain way for work and they do a better job getting his shirts ironed than I do.  Simple enough, right?

Abigail was quiet for a few moments.  Then out of nowhere she asked, “Does Daddy know about this?”

Today has been planting day at our house.  After hours of manual labor, there is now a sun garden with cucumbers, bell peppers, chives, rosemary, thyme and three varieties of tomatoes.  The shade garden has basil, cilantro, peppermint, parsley and oregano.  A truckload of mulch and some flowers will follow in the coming weeks.

I have always wanted a good garden.  I grew tomatoes by the bushel when we lived in Birmingham.  I couldn’t grow much else but my tomatoes were brilliant.  When we were in Nashville I had a great yard for a garden but I managed to be enormously pregnant the first summer and toting my baby girl during the second.  That seemed to take up a lot of my time.  Imagine that!  Nonetheless, we had beautiful flowers but the tomatoes, peppers and herbs were less than satisfactory.  This frustrated the heck out of me.  My parents and my in-laws are all master gardeners.  Their yards are stunning.  Is breathtaking too much to ask for?

Luckily, our current house has a nice yard.  It was well landscaped about 12 years ago.  The bones are there – it just needs life breathed into it and crap hauled out of it.  Unfortunately, a LOT of gunk builds up in a decade.  A LOT.  In order to clean out the 4×10 area for the shade garden, I had to scoop out 5 wheelbarrows full of leaves, rotten mulch and who knows what else.  Do you know how much stuff fits into 5 wheelbarrow loads?  A LOT.  I think I’ve made my point.  It’s not easy for me to dump a full wheelbarrow by the side of the road for the leaf truck either.  Me + full wheelbarrow = freak show.  I’m sure anyone who saw me is now well schooled on my lack of grace.

However, I did manage to get everything cleaned up including myself before collapsing on the sofa.  I’m worn out.  Done. Over and out.  It’s a good feeling though.  I have accomplished something important today.  I want my children to know about growing herbs and veggies and about doing fun productive things outside.  Of course I won’t be able to enjoy any tomatoes for about 80 days.  My mouth is watering already!